Helping Your Older Parents Stay Happy and Healthy

by Robert Stall MD, Geriatrician

If you're fortunate enough to have one or both parents still living, you may have noticed a role reversal taking place in your relationship. Remember the days when Mom shuttled you to the doctor whenever you were sick? Now, it may be you who's driving her to her medical appointments. Perhaps you've become even more involved in managing her healthcare needs – serving as her healthcare proxy, moving her into your home to care for her, or even having to select a nursing home for her to live in.

Whatever the case, it's natural to feel challenged – and, yes, intimidated – in the role you've undertaken. But if you stay positive and proactive, you'll be in a great position to advocate for your parents' optimal care. And, really, what better way is there to say "Thank You" for all they've done for you over the years?

The following six recommendations will help you understand what may be happening to your parents as they age – and what you can do to help.

1. Stay vigilant to sudden changes.

Typically, sudden changes arise from sudden problems. Your elderly father who becomes confused one week but was alert and oriented the week before, or becomes unsteady walking and starts falling, is likely experiencing an acute problem – an infection, medication side effect, or perhaps, a heart attack or stroke.

If you pay attention to your parent's baseline health and behavior, you'll be alert to sudden, and subtle, fluctuations. Being attuned to what's “normal” for your parent is critical in advocating for his care. By informing his physician of these changes, you help ensure that he receives a proper diagnosis and timely treatment – especially important in acute conditions.

2. Investigate the source of gradual decline.

Several years ago, I met an elderly woman living in a nursing home. Her family, assuming she had dementia, had moved her there after she had gradually stopped speaking.
After performing a brief procedure on her, I asked how she was doing. “I'm OK,” she replied.
A miracle? Not exactly. I'd removed bullet-sized pieces of wax from her ears. She'd stopped speaking because her ears were too plugged to hear.

A host of conditions can cause gradual decline. Before jumping to the conclusion – as many people do – that Alzheimer's disease is the culprit, recognize that your parent may be experiencing an altogether different problem: a vitamin B12 deficiency, an underactive thyroid, Parkinson's disease or depression, to name a few.

When discussing your parent's decline with her physician, make sure the two of you consider all the possibilities. To prepare for the appointment, make notes detailing how her decline has manifested itself – loss of appetite, a failing short-term memory and so forth – and how long you've noticed these changes. That way, you won't leave anything out. To help you, I've created a free checklist that either you or your parent can complete at seniorselfassessment.com – make sure you print or email the “Test Result Details” at the bottom of the page to analyze your responses and give you advice based on your answers.

3. Know thy parent's medicine cabinet.

Familiarize yourself with the medications your parent takes: what each one is for and how often he takes them. Make sure you notify each doctor your parent visits of all the medicine he takes, including over-the-counter products. Ask what side effects you might observe from each medication and whether it's potentially dangerous if your parent takes them together. You also want to tell the doctor whether your parent drinks alcohol or caffeinated drinks and whether he smokes, as these substances can affect some medications' efficacy and safety. To recognize which medications might cause the symptoms your parent experiences, check out drugscanmakeyousick.com .

4. Discourage ageist attitudes.

Simply put, ageism is prejudice against the elderly. It exists in many forms but can be particularly damaging to an older person's self-esteem when it assumes that all of her woes are age-related. Here are a couple of ways of expressing ageism to an elderly parent:
“What do you expect at your age?”
“You're not getting any younger.”

If you're ever tempted to utter something similar, remind yourself that by chalking up everything that ails her to her age, you sell your parent short. If she's depressed, it may have nothing to do with the fact that she's 80 and everything to do with a biological predisposition to depression. And remember that right-knee pain in a 90 year-old can't be just from age if there's no problem with her left knee. (More about Dr. Stall and a more in-depth article on the attitude of society towards medical care for the elderly can be found at http://www.longtermcarelink.net/eldercare/medical_care_issues.htm )

5. Address not just symptoms—but emotions, too.

There is disease and then there is “dis-ease” – that is, a lack of ease, security or well-being. “Dis-ease” can manifest itself as myriad emotions in an elderly person: fear, grief, boredom, embarrassment and sadness among them. The fact is, these emotions can be every bit as debilitating as disease.

Take the case of a parent who's incontinent. Too embarrassed to socialize, she cuts herself off from friends. Without companionship, she becomes lonely. Instead of allowing her to become a hermit, discuss with her doctor how to address the incontinence. Together, you can consider different solutions that will ease her embarrassment and reinvigorate her social life.

6. Strive to maximize your parent's quality of life.

No matter our age, we all want to enjoy life to the fullest and have the capability to do the things we want to. Improving the enjoyment of life and a patient's functional ability are the cardinal goals of geriatric care. But you don't need a medical diploma on your wall to help your parent achieve either of those goals.

Being there to solve a problem or provide company are tremendously worthwhile services you can provide – no expertise required. Remember, as your parent gets older, his quality of life becomes more important to him than how much longer he lives. And he doesn't necessarily need medications or surgery to ensure that he's living the latter part of his life to the fullest.

If he enjoys books but has difficulty reading regular-sized type, check out sight-saving titles at the library. If he's grieving the loss of his best buddy, introduce him to new acquaintances at the senior center. If he's living in a nursing home, bring your kids there to share a meal with him.

Sometimes, it's the small gestures that have the most profound impact. As the child of an elderly parent, you are uniquely positioned to deliver these life-changing gifts.

Dr. Robert Stall is a geriatrician practicing in Tonawanda, New York and a clinical associate professor at the University of Buffalo's School of Medicine and Biomedical Sciences. He serves as medical director and attending physician at Beechwood Homes in Getzville and Blocher Homes in Williamsville. To learn more about senior care issues, visit his website at stallgeriatrics.com or call 716-213-4345. For information on a new program offering balance assessment and fall prevention tips, call 716-213-0772.


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Reverse Mortgage Loans

For many seniors the equity in their home is their largest single asset, yet it is unavailable to use unless they use a conventional home-equity loan. But a conventional loan really doesn't free up the equity because the money has to be paid back with interest.

A reverse mortgage is a risk-free way of tapping into home equity without creating monthly payments and without requiring the money to be paid back during a person's lifetime. Instead of making payments the cash flow is reversed and the senior receives payments from the bank. Thus the title "reverse mortgage".

Many seniors are finding they can use a reverse mortgage to pay off an existing conventional mortgage, to create money for a down payment for a second home or to pay off debt. Popularity is skyrocketing. Over the last five years the number of reverse mortgages nationwide has tripled. The uses of this untapped wealth are only limited by a person's imagination.

For those seniors who earn low incomes but own a home, a reverse mortgage can allow them to remain in the home by creating extra income. It can also allow for remodeling or repairs and when the time comes to sell, the investment in the home can make it more valuable.

False Beliefs about Reverse Mortgages

“The lender could take my house.” The homeowner retains full ownership. The Reverse Mortgage is just like any other mortgage; you own the title and the bank holds a lien. You can pay it off anytime you like.

“I can be thrown out of my own home.” Homeowners can stay in the home as long as they live, with no payment requirement.

“I could end up owing more than my house is worth.” The homeowner can never owe more than the value of the home at the time the loan is due.

“My heirs will be against it.” Experience demonstrates heirs are in favor of Reverse Mortgages.
Virtually anyone can qualify. You must be at least 62, own and live in, as a primary residence, a home [1-4 family residence, condominium, co-op, permanent mobile home, or manufactured home] in order to qualify for a reverse mortgage.

There are no income, asset or credit requirements. It is the easiest loan to qualify for.
A reverse mortgage is similar to a conventional mortgage. As an example:

•The bank does not own the home but owns a lien on the property just as with any other mortgage.
•You continue to hold title to the property as with any other mortgage
•The bank has no recourse to demand payment from any family member if there is not enough equity to cover paying off the loan
•There is no penalty to pay off the mortgage early
•When the loan becomes due, you can refinance and keep the house.

The proceeds from a reverse mortgage are tax-free and can be used for any legal purpose you wish:

•daily living expenses
•home repairs and improvements
•medical bills and prescription drugs
•pay-off of existing debts
•education, travel
•long-term care and/or long-term care insurance
•financial and estate tax plans
•gifts and trusts
•to purchase life insurance
•or any other needs you may have.

The amount of reverse mortgage benefit for which you may qualify, will depend on

1.your age at the time you apply for the loan,
2.the reverse mortgage program you choose,
3.the value of your home, current interest rates,
4.and for some products, where you live.

As a general rule, the older you are and the greater your equity, the larger the reverse mortgage benefit will be (up to certain limits, in some cases). The reverse mortgage must pay off any outstanding liens against your property before you can withdraw additional funds.

The loan is not due and payable until the borrower no longer occupies the home as a principal residence (i.e. the borrower sells, moves out permanently or passes away). At that time, the balance of borrowed funds is due and payable, all additional equity in the property belongs to the owners or their beneficiaries. If the heirs want to keep the home with the additional equity, they can refinance with a conventional loan.

There are three reverse mortgage loan products available, the FHA - HECM (Home Equity Conversion Mortgage), Fannie Mae - HomeKeeper®, and the Cash Account programs. Over 90% of all reverse mortgages are HECM contracts.

The costs associated with getting a reverse mortgage are similar to those with a conventional mortgage, such as the origination fee, appraisal and inspection fees, title policy, mortgage insurance and other normal closing costs. With a reverse mortgage, all of these costs will be financed as part of the mortgage prior to your withdrawal of additional funds.

You must participate in an independent Credit Counseling session with an FHA-approved counselor early in the application process for a reverse mortgage. The counselor's job is to educate you about all of your mortgage options. This counseling session is at no cost to the borrower and can be done in person or, more typically, over the telephone. After completing this counseling, you will receive a Counseling Certificate in the mail which must be included as part of the reverse mortgage application.

You can choose 3 options to receive the money from a reverse mortgage:
1) all at once (lump sum);
2) fixed monthly payments (for up to life);
3) a line of credit; or a combination of a line of credit and monthly payments.

The most popular option, chosen by more than 60 percent of borrowers, is the line of credit, which allows you to draw on the loan proceeds at any time. The line of credit also earns interest which in essence is allowing the equity in the home to grow. For example $120,000 in a line of credit earning 5% would be worth almost $200,000 10 years from now.

Keeping money in a reverse mortgage line of credit in most states will not count as an asset for Medicaid eligibility as this would be considered a loan and not a resource for Medicaid spend down. In other words, keeping the money in the line of credit will not disqualify you from becoming Medicaid eligible.

However, transferring the money to an investment or to a bank account would represent an asset and would trigger a spend down requirement and delay eligibility. Please note however that distinguishing between what portion of reverse mortgage proceeds might be counted as a loan and what portion as an asset is not a simple black and white decision. It is best to get an opinion from an elder attorney in your state.

If a senior homeowner chooses to repay any portion of the interest accruing against his borrowed funds, the payment of this interest may be deductible (just as any mortgage interest may be). A reverse mortgage loan will be available to a senior homeowner to draw upon for as long as that person lives in the home. And, in some cases, the lender increases the total amount of the line of credit over time (unlike a traditional Home Equity Line where the credit limit is established at origination). If a senior homeowner stays in the property until he or she dies, his or her estate valuation will be reduced by the amount of the debt.

At the death of the last borrower or the sale of the home, the loan is repaid from equity in the home. Any remaining equity (which is often the case) goes to the heirs.

Almost all reverse mortgages are the HECM loan which is guaranteed by FHA mortgage insurance. If there is not enough equity to cover the loan, the insurance satisfies the loan by paying the deficit. With a HECM loan, the bank will never come after the heirs to satisfy the mortgage obligation.



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Medical Care at the End-of-Life

Medical Care Immediately Prior to Death

In the first half of the 20th century, most people who died had an accident or contracted a disease or they had a physical disorder that inevitably lead to death. Life-saving medical interventions such as sophisticated resuscitation, complicated surgeries, life-saving treatments, ventilators, feeding tubes and other life-support were rarely used or even available. Nowadays there is great emphasis on curing medical problems sometimes to the exclusion of recognizing that death might be a more welcome outcome.

Surveys indicate that older people are often more afraid of death than younger people. But for all Americans -- young and old -- there is a great fear of death and oftentimes the families of those loved ones, who are near the end-of-life, will go to great lengths to try interventions that may be ineffective in prolonging life. We need only look to the Terri Schiavo case as a reflection of the attitude of many Americans who are unwilling to let loved ones pass on. Estimates are that about 30% of Medicare reimbursements are spent on people in the last year of their life. It is a fact that much of this medical care did little to prevent death and prolong life.

According to the Dartmouth Atlas study on death:

"The quality of medical intervention is often more a matter of the quality of caring than the quality of curing, and never more so than when life nears its end. Yet medicine's focus is disproportionately on curing, or at least on the ability to keep patients alive with life-support systems and other medical interventions. This ability to intervene at the end of life has raised a host of medical and ethical issues for patients, physicians, and policy makers.






The Dartmouth Atlas project uncovered some startling differences in what happens to Americans during their last six months of life. In some parts of the country, nearly 50% of people are in the hospital at the time of death, rather than at home or in a nursing home or other non-hospital setting. In these areas, the likelihood of being admitted to an intensive care unit during the last six months of life is also higher than average - as is the likelihood of being admitted to an intensive care unit during the hospitalization at the time of death. In other parts of the country, the likelihood of a hospitalized death is far smaller, and people who are dying are much less likely to spend time in hospitals during their last six months of life.






The Atlas asked why this was so - why someone living in Miami was so much more likely to receive a great deal of high-tech, expensive medical services, while someone with the same condition who lived in Minneapolis received so much less. The answer appears to be that the capacity of the local health care system - the per-capita supply of hospital beds, doctors, and other forms of medical resources - has a dominating influence on what happens to people who are near death. Those who live in areas like Miami , where there are very high per capita supplies of hospital beds, specialists, and other resources, have one kind of end of life experience. Those who live in areas like Minneapolis or San Francisco , where acute care hospital resources are much more scarce, have very different kinds of deaths.






The question, then, is which is better? From the dying person's perspective, more is not necessarily a good thing - more visits to doctors for someone who is very sick can be stressful and exhausting. For many people a hospitalized death is something to be avoided if at all possible. From the perspective of the health care system, much of the care being given is futile, and accomplishes little. People who live in areas with very high utilization of hospital resources do not live longer than people who die in areas where utilization is lower - and if extension of life is not the goal of intervention, what is? From society's perspective, the cost of this kind of intervention is high, futile, and takes resources away from places where the money might be spent far more productively."
Deciding How and When to Stop Curing and Start Caring

Some people are content to leave decisions regarding their death in the hands of others. By doing so, they may expose themselves to unnecessary and futile treatments as outlined above. They may experience numerous visits to the emergency room in the last stages of their life. And their dependency on others often results in great stress to family members when loved ones at the end-of-life lose their capacity and didn't make their last wishes known. Families are often forced to make decisions about life-support and treatment without knowing whether their loved one would have wanted these interventions.

Medical providers have come up against this situation many times and as a result there are written guidelines for doctors dealing with end-of-life issues. Here is a listing of the titles of official positions taken by the American Medical Association on a number of end-of-life actions. The actual content can be found online on the AMA website.

• Do-Not-Resuscitate Orders
• Futile Care
• Medical Futility in End-of-Life Care
• Quality of Life
• Withholding or Withdrawing Life-Sustaining Medical Treatment
• Optimal Use of Orders - Not-To-Intervene and Advance Directives
• Surrogate Decision Making
• Advance Directives

One of the most important ways for a person to express his or her intent for the end-of-life is through an advance directive. Advance directives for medical treatment ordinarily involve the four following written documents.

•Living will
•Health care treatment plan
•Health care power of attorney
•Do not resuscitate at-home (for states that allow a legal procedure for this action)

We will go into greater detail on these forms in a future article but will mention here some important points to consider with these documents.

•Many if not all healthcare organizations have standard forms for living wills. Some providers may also allow for signing a do-not-resuscitate order. Some of these documents may not be what they claim to be. Read them carefully.

•A health care treatment plan is usually created between a patient's physician, the patient and an attorney. This is a detailed agreement on how to handle certain medical interventions.

•A health care power of attorney is a legal document that would not usually be available as a standard form from a health care provider. This document should supersede any other guidelines that physicians use for making medical treatment decisions.

•The do-not-resuscitate-at-home arrangement is a very complicated procedure where a person needing emergency medical treatment in the home and not desiring resuscitation makes that wish known to emergency medical personnel. This involves an identification bracelet, a complicated verification procedure and an OK from a central clearinghouse not to perform any life-saving actions.

A patient or his or her spouse or a family member will typically call 911 in the event of a life-threatening emergency. Very seldom will the living will, the health care treatment plan or the health care power of attorney end up with anyone in the emergency room. Medical decisions for someone who cannot make those intentions known, generally devolve to family members who show up at the hospital. The actual health treatment wishes of the patient may be at home in the desk drawer. It is therefore extremely important to remember to take these documents to the emergency room whenever a crisis arises.
Without the advance directives in hand for an emergency room or for a hospital admission, many patients or family will be given the opportunity to sign a standard form from the health care provider. Many hospitals, nursing homes and home health agencies provide forms that allow or disallow a number of treatments. It is extremely important for the patient or the family to read these institutional advance directives thoroughly before signing. Some of these documents, claiming to be a living will, are in fact not, but are other types of advance directives that may not fit the needs of the family.

More detailed information about this subject and about other issues dealing with long term care planning can be found at http://www.longtermcarelink.net/.

We will discuss in more detail, specific issues dealing with end-of-life, in future articles.

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Troy Freesemann